On Tuesday the 25th, our teacher was rhetorically murdered. I.e.: she came into the class, told us that in 10 minutes we were supposed to find her dead on the front of the classroom, and then left. Our only clues? She died at 10:40 that morning from 7 stab wounds. Go have fun.
The first thing that happened was that our small discussion or “pizza” groups began debating heatedly about who it was that had killed her. The majority of us turned on the discussion group that our teacher, Dr. Woodworth, had been in. Those closest to a victim are always suspect, right? Upon being accused, they began protesting their own innocence loudly whilst diverting all of the blame to their two counterparts. Aha! We cried. This proves that they are guilty! Louder protestations were made from the suspects.
I stood up and declared that I had been the murderer. My fellow classmates looked at me skeptically. How could I have murdered her? And why? I repeated that I murdered her, but I didn’t know why or how, so can someone please tell me why. No one offered. I was quite disappointed. We’d come up with all sorts of outrageous yet somewhat plausible explanations for the poor students standing accused at the front of the classroom. One of them had about as much reason to be the murderer as I did. How could no one have come up with an explanation for me?
My discussion group came up with many ideas as to how the discussion group murdered Dr. Woodworth. A packet of lens wipes was found on the table in front of us, so I suggested poisoned wipes for Dr. Woodworth’s glasses and phone, given to her by the murderer. When you use the wipes, the poison gets in to your skin and eventually kills you. The murderer, however, was impatient, so after giving her the poison, they stabbed her, just to make sure she was dead. My group-mates sort of like my idea… Then we decided that the poison in the wipes was administered through the air and got in to your system through your nose, and the murderer used the clothespin found in the classroom to plug their nose before stabbing her. This sounded more and more ridiculous, though, as we went on, so we decided in the end that the lens wipes had been used to wipe someone’s fingerprints off the lenses of the security cameras in the room when the murderer rewired them to show a similar room at the time of the murder. We have continued on this assumption.
And so it went on: each accusation growing wilder and wilder, and yet more and more plausible (my “detective’s report” will be available shortly on my blog).
My friend and I came up with a much better and more plausible idea, however. This idea shall also be released on my blog in the future, but at a later date than my detective report based on my group’s theories. Until then, you may have your own speculations on the mysterious murder of Dr. Elizabeth D. Woodworth…